Stewart mocks Bush's Middle East 'Bucket List'

Jon Stewart began his commentary on President Bush's trip to the Middle East with a satirical pastiche based on a current movie, The Bucket List.

"If you had only one year to live (picture of Bush) in the White House, would you do the most obvious thing? Create a list of things to experience with your black friends? (Picture of Bush and Condoleezza Rice) This January, the Bush administration, in association with Rob Reiner, presents the Middle East trip of a lifetime. They went looking to fortify strategic alliances. (Bush and Rice again) They wound up -- finding themselves."

Stewart then played a clip of Bush landing in Saudi Arabia, with the sounds of a military salute in the background. "You can actually hear America bombing border countries," he joked. This was followed by The Star-Spangled Banner being played by a Saudi military band that appeared to consist entirely of trombones and tubas. "Is it me, or did that sound sarcastic?" Stewart asked.

"Obviously, there's a bit of a friendly rivalry between Israel and the other Mideast countries," Stewart continued. "When Bush visited Israel they presented him a single rose in a beautiful ceremony, whereas in Dubai -- whoa! -- he gets the whole centerpiece. In your face, Zionist florists!"

"Dubai also treated the president to some some local children's traditional folkdance," Stewart went on. "Very lovely. ... But if I remember the trip to Israel correctly, I think I've got to give this to Israel, because they went with the Donna Sommer version of 'Sholem Aleichem.'"

Stewart went on to point out that "a lot of the receptions that [Bush] got had kind of a passive-aggressive edge, as a lot of the greetings that he got in these countries appeared to disintegrate into some kind of international game of 'how silly can we make America's president look.'" Stewart illustrated this with clips of Bush holding a falcon, dancing with a sword, and drinking tea.

Bush also addressed a group of US soldiers who yelled "hoo-ah" in response to everything he said. "It's an all-purpose exclamation for the Army," Stewart explained.

"There's no doubt in my mind, when history was written, the final page will say..." Bush began.

"I believe you just talked about the future of current history in the past tense," Stewart commented. "Hoo-ah."

This video is from Comedy Central's A Daily Show, broadcast January 15, 2008.

Transcript via closed captions

:: So we were talking earlier in the week, president bush touring the middle east. You know, he has been president for seven years. He decided, hey, you know where I should go? israel. Never before there -- been there before in his entire presidency. He went to six other arab countries. Also went to saudi arabia. I assume he didn't go there before because he wanted oil to reach $100 before he went. So why is he doing all this now?

:: If you had only one year to live in the white house, would you do the most obvious thing?

:: Create things to experience with your black friends?

:: This january the bush administration in association with rob reiner presents the middle east trip of a lifetime. They went looking for -- they wound up finding themselves. It's all all right [ cheers and applause ]

:: Jon: Here is the crazy thing about that. [ cheers and applause ] I actually have a bucket list. It's just a list of all the buckets in my house. I have a red bucket and a gray one. Don't even get me started on pails. [ laughter ] so anyway, in the middle east yesterday, the president landed in saudi arabia and this is odd at ronald reagan international airport. Everybody loves that guy. By the way, listen to the ambient sound closely. This is not edited. You could hear america bombing borders countries in the background. Anyway, that wasn't the odd part of the scene. This is the scene that I found somewhat discomforting. Cue saudi arabiaan band playing our national anthem in three, two, go. [national anthem playing] [ laughter ]

:: Jon: Is it me or did that sound sarcastic? I think they were being sarcastic. [ applause ] and the home of the --,braave. [ laughter ] I play a mean trombone. By the way, I wonder why mrs. Bush didn't accompany the president to saudi arabia. Oh, I see. [ laughter ] hmmm. Cheap joke. That's a custom in saudi arabia, the men old hands. They do things differently. For instance, their round table discussions are held at rek tang lar tables. For more of my hilarious equips of the he can sent trickities of islamic countries check out my new book, the book I will never, ever write out of fear. [ applause ] thank you for aplawgd my -- applauding. There's a bit of a friendly rivalry between israel and the other middle east countries. When bush visited israel they presented him a single rose and a beautifuler is ceremony -- beautiful ceremony where is in doobie, whoa! he gets the -- whereas in doobie he gets -- dubai he gets the whole center piece. In your face. They also treated the president to traditional folk dance. Very lovely. If I remember the trip to israel, correctly, I think i've got to give this to israel because they went with the donna summer version of shalom -- [ laughter ] [ applause d applause ]

:: Jon: You know he was saying right there, schlomo, take it down a notch. A little over the top. For most of bush's visits there in the middle east, even the welcomes that he got, even the reception that he got had kind of a passive aggressive edge. A lot of greetings he got in the countries appeared to disdint great to some kind of international game of how silly can we make america's president look. For instance, do you think we could make him hold the falcon. Would he hold it? he's holding it. I can't believe it. Do you think we can make him hold the throne of gayness. He's dancing with a sort of gayness. Here is the big one. Would he drink my pee. He drank my pee. I love this guy. He wants more. I can't believe he wants more pee. Oh ! [ laughter ] the trip to the middle east wasn't all scenes from a quiet american. The president actually did while he was there run into friendly faces, some americans over there, perhaps backpacking on their summer break. Anyway they got to meet the president.

:: We're joined by the president of the united states, or commander in chief, president george w. Bush. [ cheers and applause ]

:: Jon: Now you might have expected applause there but what they gave him was hooah which is a traditional army greeting. It's an all purpose exclamation for the army like dude or (no audio).

:: It's good to see you.

:: Jon: Hoo-ah.

:: You are looking pretty good. Looks like you haven't missed a meal. [ laughter ]

:: Jon: Hoo-ah. Especially you cat and jelly roll. Mr. President, you are losing them. Work your magic.

:: There's no doubt in my mind when history was written, the final page will say -- [ laughter ]

:: Jon: When history was written the final page will say. Okay, first of all, spoiler alert. For those of you who really don't want to know what the final page of history will say, you are probably going to want to leave the room right but now. Also, the phrase when history was written, I believe you just talked about the future of current history in the past tense. Hoo-ah. Wait, no, no, no. Not yet. Not yet! all right. [ cheers and applause ] final page of history -- play along at home, everybody. Get out a piece of paper jot down your answer when you think it will be. President bush, what will the final page of history say?

:: There's no doubt in my mind when history was written, the final page will say victory was achieved by the united states of achieved by the united states of america for america for the good of the world.

:: Jon: (no audio). I had ruh-roa fire at 12:00. We'll be right